March 18, 2010

MJ & His Impact on Our Lives...


It's been 9 months since we lost our Michael. Ever since I was young I've wanted to one day meet him, if nothing more then to tell him what he did for me, how he changed my life. I believe as do many of you that Michael can hear us all now that he is an angel so I have told him already how he impacted me but I would like to share it with my lovely MJ Fam too. I know you have stories & as you can see by this blog title "MJ & his Impact on Our Lives" this blog isn't just about my specific story & I hope that you will post comments sharing your stories too!!! :) now let me get started.....

I have been a Michael Jackson fan from before I can remember. My dad was a fan & he had the Thriller album. He played it constantly & he told me stories of when I was 2 & 3 and that before I would go to sleep or take my nap I HAD to hear Human Nature and that I just wouldn't stop until I did :) I guess though I don't remember it that is the first of many impacts Michael had on me, without his song Human Nature my dad might have had a more fussy child to deal with haha! :) My first memory of Michael though is when I was 9 that's when I say I officially became a fan & that's the start of from what I remember of him changing my life. People who know me now never believe this about me but when I was a young child I was a shy nervous kid, I had a pronounced stutter and I could not say my R's right ( I sounded like Elmer Fudd) I was a loner & I was picked on badly because of my stutter, my awkwardness and alot of other things. That hurt my self esteem bad as you would imagine and while I had a loving father who told me I was unique and great I had a mother who was the opposite (but I will get into that more in a bit). I felt like a freak & I felt alone til one day my dad came home with the Dangerous CD for me I was excited and popped it in right away. I danced I jumped around and I sang (once I learned the words lol) to the songs until a certain song came on. That song was Keep The Faith & it made me stop what I was doing and sit on my bed. As I listened to that song I felt like crying but in a good way, I felt like Michael was singing directly to me. I felt like he was telling me you are a winner, you CAN do this but you must believe in yourself. It changed how I felt, I suddenly felt not so alone, I felt like someone out there knew what I was going through and that helped more then you can imagine. As I listened to that CD over and over I became more confident, I became more outspoken. I was suddenly raising my hand in class, I was voicing my opinion & I was answering questions and doing things I wouldn't have dared dream of doing before that song came out. I lost my stutter I gained confidence & I even got rid (thankfully!) of the Elmer Fudd R's . From then on I became the person I am now, the unshy, outspoken not be run over by anybody person :) but that is by far not the last time Michael made an impact in my life. As I had said earlier I would get to my mom and my relationship further down. I'm not going to air my "dirty laundry" so to speak but I have to say something in order to get my point across here. in saying that my mom is a cold person, whether she means to be or not, she is crass, spiteful and hurtful & we have never ever gotten along. My parents divorced when i was 11 and after that because of custody issues I could only see my dad on weekends. Being alone with my mom was hell on earth for me. Constant fighting, constant bickering, her constantly telling me i wasn't good enough no matter what I did. I'm smart I was a straight A student I thought that would please her but when I'd get an A- on a test she'd say well why didn't you get an A+....etc etc I think you get my point now so I will stop there. Michael helped me yet again when I found out about him and his father again I felt a kindred spirit in Michael. My mother never beat me thankfully but in all other ways she reminded me of Michael's relationship with his dad. Again it felt good and comforting although I cried for Michael, that someone somewhere knew my pain. Knew what I was going through. I again knew I wasn't alone. This has also helped me in recent years because though I don't know if they mended their relationship completely it seemed like Michael & his dad overcame their differences to a point & became closer as a father and son. I have hopes now in my adulthood that one day and hopefully one day soon I can mend the bridges between me and my mom. I would love nothing more. In a speech Michael gave I think it was the oxford one, he mentioned something about parents, about how if they don't know how to show love that one thing the child can do is being loving and caring and hopefully by example the parent will come to see and learn. I have used his knowledge yet again in my adult years and am trying to use his wisdom to help with me and my mother I hope one day it will work, my good friend @angelzaroundus has given me hope also in this situation and I wanted to take a brief moment to thank her for her time and her compassion. Now I could go on and on through each stage of my life and how Michael helped because in EVERY stage he seemed to be there but I will only say one more time specifically. When I was 15 my father died. and I felt like it was the end of the world. I was distraught I was heartbroken & I was angry so angry for myself and so angry for him because I thought he had been screwed out of a good 20 yrs he should have had left. I listened to Michael Jackson every day esp the song "You Are Not Alone" and little bit by little bit the pain started to subside (it will never go away but..) I stopped being angry at the world, I started to feel like I didn't want anyone else to go through the pain I did so I started helping others more and more (before my dad died I helped out in food drives etc but not as much as i did after) everytime I saw someone smile at me it made me feel like I eased their pain I eased their worry and it made me feel like I still had a purpose, to be loving and compassonate, to care and to give these are all things Michael taught me all the things I learned from listening to his songs, & listening to his words I don't think I would be who i am now or have the compassion I do for things and people I do if it weren't for Michael. His words had such wisdom made such sense. Why hate, why be cruel, why judge others? we are all god's children, we are all brothers and sisters and it's time we started loving each other. Michael taught me that. Michael inspired me to help, Michael inspired me in almost everything I do. People sometimes say they see a light around me or that I brighten their day just by a visit and I think that is again Michael's influence. I know that everyone in the MJ Fam agrees Michael was someone special he was an angel on earth. I really hope he realized how many lives he touched and how many lives are forever different because of him. I don't know if he knew that in life but i'm sure he knows it now :) The one thing I do want to say also before I end this is, just recently Michael has yet again helped me through another thing in my life. There were some songs like Streetwalker etc that I had not heard until right after his death. One of those songs is called "On The Line" at this point in my life & what i'm going through when I heard that song again I cried, again I said Michael HOW did you know because that song word for word could have been written for me. & in me hearing the song it has given me hope again. It has helped me to do one thing I've always needed to do and that's let go of the past. I thank all of you who read this for reading it, for listening to my story, for letting me share how Michael changed my life. & I wanted to say in closing, Michael Jackson I love you more, I hope now you know exactly how you changed the world, how you changed my life. I'm so glad to have "known" you, I'm so glad to have been born while you were here. I feel blessed for that. I feel blessed to have had you in my life. Thank you for being my teacher, my inspiration, my love & my friend when I felt I had no one else. I love you Michael

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

I was young when I heard Michaels vocie on the radio and it was THRILLER! From that moment I loved him, I still love him matter what, Michaels songs are the moste love kind songs I´ve ever heard! I have always wanted to meet him just for one day not as The King of pop just the real Michael behind the stage sort of speak. I know he can hear all of us, but I wished I could see him just over one night. His voice was so calm, the songs made me the girl I am today. I got a good voice thanks to Michael:)Love u Michael 4ever<3<3<3<3

//Hanna(twitter, ambulancenurse)

doublebeee said...

Thank you Kiki_MJFan4Life for sharing your personal MJ experience.

One day I will also share a few of my MJ life-changing experience but when I read about "Keep The Faith" I had to smile because this song had such an impact on my life and still has...

Thank you Michael. Words are never enough to do so but you know we are trying our best to show you we understood your message.

We miss you every second of our being. But this is the price of the honor we had sharing this planet with you.

L.O.V.E.! x

Rob said...

errrrr where do i start, there's a few things i wanted to do in my life and i would list seeing michael jackson somewhere after getting married and having kids.

seriously, the influence that man had on my life is phenomenal.
Michael being one of my earliest memories taught me to work hard and be an individual and most importantly aim to make in impact in life.
I have thought about him every single day for as long as i can remember.
i would run home from school everyday to watch my michael videotapes which were recorded off of VH1 when only the richest had sky tv.
i started my michael jackson club in year 3 of school with my friends tomas and adam.

Michael Jackson gave me my first tingles, when a beautiful melody or lyric hits you with what can only be described as indescribable.

I then had the privilege of introducing michael jackson to my best friend, neighbor for life, godson and blood brother Michael Jones. (right now i can hear him blasting 'you are not alone' out of his car)

We shared many a dance move from being 7 years old right up to the present day.

When life is really hard and im really struggling, the thought of my hero makes me feel like a kid again and gives me an escape that no one will understand.

For three years of uni my close friends ben and steve would listen to michael everyday, we would discuss his comeback album and tour before anything was even announced, we shared a dream of seeing him live and we was lucky enough to get tickets to finally see him. Michael Jackson who could play anywhere in the world, decided to play 45 minutes from where i live. I could only describe this as a dream come true, and also something i needed to help me cope with life at its hardest.

having these shows to look forward to has motivated me at a time where i have felt uninspired, lonely, angry and frustrated with life.

I stayed up all night waiting for the headline 'Michael Jackson has died', to change. when i decided i would finally sleep it was because i wanted it to all be a dream that i could wake from.
I woke up yesterday morning hearing that my hero, a man i thought completely invincible had been beat.

I walked up to radar hill, alone, with 'Bad' and 'Dangerous' and there i stayed for 3 hours, listening to the first albums i ever loved.

I was able to go to a little memorial yesterday in trafalgar square where a few hundred people showed up to pay their respects. I lit a candle with a random stranger and we cried together and prayed together.

I will never get to see a man who i feel i owe so much to. I would not have a passion for music or film nearly as strong as i would now and seeing as music and film is my direction in life, michael is so much of who i am as a person, in terms of passion and drive and maintaining innocence and humour.

Kiki_MJFan4Life said...

@doublebeee haha yea it seems like Keep The Faith has a place in alot of our hearts doesn't it? good song though good message helps me stay strong :) thanks for the nice comment, It feels good to finally get that out, to say what MJ did for me (even though as I said in the blog it isn't even HALF of what he did lol) I've been trying to do so for awhile now :) looking forward to hearing your stories soon :)

Cassarah said...

@Kiki_MJFan4Life, yes, Michael had, has and will always have a lot of place in so many, many many hearts.

As I see it, these hearts are Michael´s real kingdom.

Cassarah said...

@Rob: Reading your comment gives me goosebumps.
Thank you for sharing your feelings here.

Kiki_MJFan4Life said...

Rob thanks so much for sharing!! like Cassarah said it gave me goosebumps and it was great to read another story about how MJ changed a persons life, your life, thank you so much :)

doublebeee said...

@Rob: I agree. Thank you for sharing. I feel what you feel reading your words...

MJ is just such a major driving force in all our lives. A real kindom, yes.

Gime Vacarezza. said...

Thank you so much for that beautiful article, right now I'm crying like a baby because I can say for sure that I understand and feel very much the same that you feel and felt in certain moments of your life. I'm not able to explain with words how Michael impacted and continue to impacting my life. But I can say that I'm who I'm now thanks to him. someday as @doublebeee said I'll tell my story, someday soon.
Thank you again.
L.O.V.E.

Gime Vacarezza. said...

@Rob: Thank you for sharing your story and it gives me goosebumps as Cassarah and Kiki_MJFan4Life said.
Like you I've tickets for his shows in england and I was really excited because I was going to be able to see my hero in stage, something I was waiting since the last time he came to Argentina but I couldn't go because I was ten years old, now I've 22 and I wasn't able to see him either. But I know that all of us will be able to see him and tell him how much we love him and impact us when we meet him in Heaven, because I know that's where he is.

angelzaroundus said...

You are courageous and full of love to share this. Thank you! Your dad and Michael are very proud of you.:)

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